By David Barlow
All the kids but one watched from their upstairs dormitory window as the pallbearers took out the coffin. Not one of them showed any signs of sadness or remorse.
Little Billy watched from behind the big laurel at the head of the driveway. He had wild, darting eyes, and shuffled his feet incessantly, but spoke not a word, nor shed a tear.
All the kids now knew why he’d been so scared of the janitor. They were glad that little Mary had seen and spoken up. And they’d all watched silently from the kitchen doorway as Billy kicked away the ladder.
This is dark, David. Very dark. Loved it!
So much was unspoken here. Well done.
I love how you have made this fresh and shed a unique and different light on the stigma for young men. I love how you made a complex topic succinct and fully understood.
Wow.
That was dark. Now I want to know more about Billy.
Dark, and strong. Nicely done.
A tight narrative that tells so much in 101 words. Excellent.
Wow. Extremely well written with a powerful ending.