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Carousel Horses

July 12, 2020 16 Comments

Carousel Horses
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Once through the automatic doors, he glanced over at the mechanical horse by the pop machine, the kind that bounced, took quarters, and plunked out calliope music. It’d been there since he was a boy, as if it’d escaped from a nearby carousel. He longed for the days when his daughter’s needs were simple, when she’d plead for one more gumball, one more video game, one more turn—on a ride, within his reach—like this one. If only he could strap her onto this horse’s saddle, weathered just so by the wind and rain, grab the reins, and gallop away.

By Susan Triemert

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Larry J. Maltin says

    July 12, 2020 at 9:09 am

    Such overwhelming sadness.

    Reply
  2. b. says

    July 12, 2020 at 10:52 am

    I read two stories here but no closure for either one. Pick one story and tell the whole story to us do NOT assume that we can read your mind.

    Reply
    • Travis Cravey says

      July 12, 2020 at 11:10 am

      Or you could shove it.

      Reply
      • laurabesley says

        July 12, 2020 at 11:34 am

        I read one beautiful story!

        Reply
    • Cheryl Pappas says

      July 12, 2020 at 11:39 am

      It takes a good reader to fill in the blanks in a great flash like this one.

      Reply
    • H. Grieco says

      July 12, 2020 at 11:45 am

      You don’t get to play critic and then not sign your name. Consider deleting your comment.

      I loved this piece!

      Reply
    • lizmilnewriting says

      July 12, 2020 at 12:08 pm

      The very best stories can be left open-ended. Clever readers appreciate these endings the most 🙂 Well done, Susan, beautifully poignant.

      Reply
    • Debbi says

      July 13, 2020 at 8:46 am

      To b. You’re just not smart enough to figure it out. Try again. This is a perfect micro fiction and so moving.

      Reply
  3. shome says

    July 12, 2020 at 11:32 am

    This is such a touching story–thanks so much for sharing your wonderful and lovely words, and I look forward to reading more of your writing!

    Reply
    • laurabesley says

      July 12, 2020 at 11:34 am

      Absolutely stunning story, Susan. This one will stay with me a long time.

      Reply
  4. Vivian says

    July 12, 2020 at 12:05 pm

    Beautiful

    Reply
  5. Kyla says

    July 12, 2020 at 1:20 pm

    I love this. Very moving and clear yet resonant with mystery. I find it hard to imagine how anyone can convey so much in so few words. Beautiful work! The story leaves me satisfied and yet still caring about the characters after just a glimpse into their lives.

    Reply
  6. Lindsey Heatherly says

    July 12, 2020 at 1:27 pm

    This is a poignant flash, perfectly encompassing the duality of grief and love within a parent’s heart. The bittersweet taste of nostalgia transcends time and space, revealed within the desperation and release of control, as a parent observes the changes and growth within their own child. Beautifully written, Susan. This one will linger with me always.

    Reply
  7. Jo Goren says

    July 12, 2020 at 1:52 pm

    Poignant story.

    Reply
  8. jennieyitallman says

    July 12, 2020 at 3:44 pm

    Lovely and thoughtful glimpse of character(s). The language choices are careful and evocative. Time is immeasurable between the moment of “once through” and “he longed for,” and leaves so much for us to fill in–such trust in your reader is hard to come by.

    Reply
  9. Jennifer says

    July 15, 2020 at 5:05 pm

    Gorgeous piece—evocative, efficient, makes my heart ache—exactly what I want from a piece of flash. Excellent work Susan!

    Reply

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