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Pizza Faith

January 8, 2023 14 Comments

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In 4011 A.D., Dr. Idryssa Bright believed Americans worshipped pizza two thousand years before, but she struggled to prove it.

When she counted 3,452 skeletons ordering pizza in the ruins of Spokane, Washington, her critics said that showed only the food’s popularity. When she found more mentions of ‘pizza’ than ‘church’ in ancient newspapers, her boss fired her for heresy. Finally, she uncovered a temple, ‘Chuck E. Cheese,’ where people took pizza sacraments, worshipped costumed mice priests, and genuflected before coin-operated praying machines.

For this, Dr. Bright won a tenure-track position teaching hyper-sentient androids at Truth University on the planet Pegasus.

By Sonja Ryst

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Howard Dart Humeston says

    January 8, 2023 at 7:31 am

    Love it! And Pizza!

    Reply
    • Sonja Ryst says

      January 8, 2023 at 9:36 am

      Thanks Howard!

      Reply
  2. ab says

    January 8, 2023 at 11:27 am

    This is pretty damned brilliant, funny, and… sharp. Bravo. One of the best ones I’ve seen here.

    Reply
    • Sonja Ryst says

      January 8, 2023 at 8:46 pm

      aw, thank you! Very kind of you to say.

      Reply
  3. Ed Walker says

    January 8, 2023 at 3:21 pm

    Delightful! My worship of pizza is more sincere than any of my other devotions.

    Reply
    • Sonja Ryst says

      January 8, 2023 at 8:48 pm

      LOL. Me too! Mozzarella, tomato and basil are known to reward their devotees in immediately gratifying ways.

      Reply
  4. Vena Moore says

    January 8, 2023 at 9:53 pm

    Cute story!

    Reply
  5. Scott Bogart says

    January 9, 2023 at 3:38 pm

    Very nice, Sonja.

    Reply
  6. Shona says

    January 11, 2023 at 7:09 am

    Great idea and nicely done. One of my favourites

    Reply
  7. Yogita says

    January 11, 2023 at 8:40 am

    Ha ha..and I’m sure they had coke as holy water too 😉

    Reply
  8. Toni Brayer says

    January 11, 2023 at 10:50 am

    In 100 words. Well done.

    Reply
  9. Robert Burns says

    January 11, 2023 at 1:58 pm

    Excellent story, Sonja. Well done!

    Reply
  10. Marie says

    January 13, 2023 at 1:43 pm

    Ha, great! My favourite this week!

    Reply
  11. Bob says

    January 14, 2023 at 10:01 am

    The pizza controversy!

    Reply

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