In 4011 A.D., Dr. Idryssa Bright believed Americans worshipped pizza two thousand years before, but she struggled to prove it.
When she counted 3,452 skeletons ordering pizza in the ruins of Spokane, Washington, her critics said that showed only the food’s popularity. When she found more mentions of ‘pizza’ than ‘church’ in ancient newspapers, her boss fired her for heresy. Finally, she uncovered a temple, ‘Chuck E. Cheese,’ where people took pizza sacraments, worshipped costumed mice priests, and genuflected before coin-operated praying machines.
For this, Dr. Bright won a tenure-track position teaching hyper-sentient androids at Truth University on the planet Pegasus.