By Lou Normann
Larissa was running late and prayed no one would notice her sneaking through the back door. She was always late, but today had completely disrupted her schedule—her kids woke late, traffic stalled, and she needed to stop for gas. One more late day and her boss would write her up simply because he didn’t like her. What could possibly happen to make her morning worse?
The red and blue flashing lights surrounding the building were the first sign. Her dead boss was the second. The police were third, especially since they wanted to talk about the blood on Larissa’s boots.
There’s so much action conveyed in so few words that it feels like we’ve been with Larissa for a far longer story, it made me so invested in her character arc that I feel I’ve enjoyed the ending a bit too much lol. Great job!
Great job! Looks like a perfect synopsis of a thriller
Enjoyed the story.
Absorbing
Enjoyed the story.
Woah, that’s a thriller ? is there a part 2?
Honestly, I want more!!! This is a “reeler inner” for sure!
An excellent story! I love it, Lou!
Wow ! I really enjoyed the story ! Well done !
Wow we need another like ASAP! Well done!
Fantastic! Loved the twist at the end. Great job!
Wheres the rest Lou? We want more! Awesome twist didn’t see it coming.
Fantastic story and I loved the building suspense, the way it moved from the mundane to the criminal.
I need more !!!
What a great lead up to what is sure to be one humdinger of a bad day for Larissa !
More more more please
Potentially interesting plot. Just not sure why Larissa would be worrying about her boss writing her up when she (presumably) already knew he was dead?
Loved it! So much from so few words.
Might look to the tenses of your verbs. I think some of your past tense verbs should be present. Leave the exposition in the past, but what is happening right now should be actively in the present.
Otherwise, great economy of words with so much packed in!
Nice job!
Quite enjoyed this!