Curled in a fetal position, he watches her.
She smiles down at him from the open window. Her lips are full, eyes wide. She’s beautiful, but she doesn’t know it.
“Haven’t you heard?” he yells up to her, arms wide. “Europe is free! Sing it! Sing it to the trees, to the hills, to the ocean’s crest! Paint your lips red! It’s time to kiss in the streets and swing from the lamp posts!”
While he mumbles, she tucks in his blanket, checks his IV, and quietly leaves the room.
He looks up and smiles as confetti drifts onto his cheeks.
One can only hope that memories of his happy moments will continue to the end. Nice story.
nancy liddle says
gut-wrenching. elegantly contained. thank you.
Erica Angelakos says
So evocative. I think I may have said this about your last story. Thank you
Ike Balmer says
Awesome story ma!
Racheal King says
So good. As usual with your writing, I am there. Thank you.
Bob Hise says
Lovely story, elegantly told
Dang it, I meant This!!!!????????
Crap I cannot leave a heart. Disregard question marks! Lovely and incredibly thought provoking!
Beautiful. Words that tell the whole story Brilliantly!
Very compact, nicely done. A lot of information there in a small space. I like it.
Have you read A Swim In A Pond In The Rain by George Saunders? If not, I think you would like it. He analyzes a number of classic short stories and shows how the writing has made them so powerful.
Yours seems to possess a number of those components.
So, there’s my comment in 72 words.
to be evocative needs few words, here is a good example of brevity the calls to one and focuses the feelings on the moment