By Maxwell Ondik
She squatted, part of the darkness, in the alley next to the dim bookstore.
A hand gripped her shoulder. She cried out, jumping up. She couldn’t discern anything in the night; the stars had disappeared behind pollution.
Her hands flailing wildly, she hit something firm. It was a man’s arm.
The dark was parted by a candle, its flame carelessly spilling light and soaking up the gloom.
“You’re the orphan girl, right?” the man asked gently. She recognized his face; he had watched her from the store’s window on cold nights.
“You’re home now,” he said, leading her into the bookstore.
Max….this beautiful, and it gave me chills! And for your very first published piece, how fitting that the character finds her home the bookstore. So proud of you!!! xoxo
I love this story. My only critique is that it’s only 101 words. 😉
I think it needs to be a middle grade novel stat!
Thank you so much; It’s a big honor coming from you, a great writer on the site!
Max, I am impressed! I was immediately drawn into your story, and I felt the girl’s fear. I wondered, “How can he possibly wrap this up in a few more sentence?” Then, “Oh. I see.” Chills, then heart pumping, then a sigh of surprise and relief.
I cannot wait to see what the future holds for you.
Mrs. Stoudt
Thank you; I really appreciate the compliment!
Great, Max. Very visual. Nice painting with words.
A beautiful little story, Maxwell. Heartwarming. This is a Winner!
Thank you for your praise; I am honored.
Excellent build up and so descriptive. It leaves me wanting to read more!
Thank you Uckle the Paul!
And what a great home to go to!
Max,
I am blown away. So proud of you! You are one talented writer.
Wow! Max this was an amazing story! You worked so hard on it and waited so long… I’m extremely proud of you!! The ending was wonderful and made me feel happy inside?
Thank you Ava!
Max. This is marvelous!! So proud of you!
Thank you so much! I appreciate the compliments!
I am simply blown away by how much emotion you packed in with so few words. You truly have a gift! Congratulations, and keep the stories coming!
I wondered how this might end.You found an ending with remarkable warmth. Well done.
Katie C.
Max, this was an extremely well written story! I was very impressed when I read it. You created a story with emotion and creativity and I loved it.
Thank you so much! Mrs. Stoudt would be proud of you for putting your name at the top of the comment like she makes us do on the blog!
Wow you’re such an amazing writer, and this is very creative!?
Thank you!
Srry for that question mark in my last comment, it was a typo
Okay, an orphan and somebody observing her from a bookstore, and knowing she probably needs help – very intriguing! Sounds like my favorite type of literary writing. Cannot wait to read the rest!
Thank you Aunt Hoolie!
Great story.
Thank you so much!
Max,
There are many possible stories within this one. You left me wanting more. Great story.
Thank you, as always!
Max,
I loved it! It is so you! The story is sensitive, suspenseful, and clever. It made me care about the characters. You are an astute observer of the human condition.
Wonderful – Mimi
Thank you so much!
Max, this is very impressive. Great job
Grandpa Dennis
Thank you so much!
Max, This story has a very nice balance of setting, description of characters, feelings, dialogue and action within a very few concise words. That is very hard to do. We will look forward to reading more of your ideas put into words. Congratulations.
Grandma Stephanie
Thank you so much!
You’re a literary genius .. I’m awaiting the novel . I’m very proud and in awe of you !
Thanks!
Max! I can’t wait to read your next one. I want a subscription! 🙂