By S. H. Cheatham
“No!” She tossed her blonde hair and marched angrily away, the clop clop of heels on wood telegraphing her fury.
You’d think I’d asked her to torture puppies or renounce chocolate forever, when I had simply suggested—very kindly—that she change into something slightly less revealing for dinner with my boss and her husband. And perhaps remove a bit of the lipstick and eye shadow she must have applied with a spackling trowel.
“Honey,” I said, tapping tentatively. The response was a thunk as an unknown object (shoe? hairbrush?) struck the bedroom door.
Such is life when mothering a three-year-old!
Good twist. Well done.
Loved this. All the right words to set up the twist.
Cute story, good twist
Perfect setup for the perfect ending. So many excellent descriptors, too, “clop, clop of heels telegraphing her fury” and “applied with a spackling trowel” (which intimated a male point of view). May I suggest that instead of the ending with…”mothering a three-year-old” that you might have had, “go away mommy” to show, not tell.
This was a wonderfully fun piece, set up perfectly for the twist ending. I agree with June though that the last line could have been much more effective if it was less explanatory. Something like — “Go away mommy!” piped her three-year-old voice from behind the door.
Still thoroughly enjoyed this piece as the father of two strong-willed daughters!
liked it.
‘… the clip clop of heels on wood telegraphing her fury.’
A great line!
I loved your story. A great twist, and ever so cute… And I totally understand ?
Lovely! Perfection!
Ah-ha! What a little princess!
Absolute brilliance! less revealing, giving up chocolate, clip clop of heels: a scene is painted on the mind then wonderfully shattered.
Thank you so much for the encouraging words and suggestions!
Perfect! Wonderful twist!