By Perry McDaid
She’d dyed her hair again. They called it a ‘rinse’ now.
Her breathing was almost imperceptible; her eyes were wide and as icy green as they had been across the divorce table, lawyer’s hand on her thigh as he had coldly dictated terms—only trite when unreal.
The tepid staleness of the stereotype had stolen nothing from the iciness of the solid grip around my solar plexus—can’t say heart, that was shredded long ago—along with my nethers.
She moaned and her eyes softened, the pupils probing for the love we once had in spades.
I pushed the knife deeper.
I can feel it.
Thanks – great to get that.
Great use of strong language and you set the scene and emotional tone beautifully.
I would replace the second allusion to ice though, i thought it sounded a bit repetitive and was a little distracting.
Very well done!
Thank you. The repetition of the allusion to ice was for emphasis. It was originally distanced by shift from present to past tense – the present being the murder, the pas being the divorce proceedings – but the editor didn’t see the relevance and I didn’t bother arguing.
I would change the last sentence to “But, I cashed the check.” Otherwise, a good read.
LOL – you hiring out? Thanks for the feedback.
Loved the last line! Great job!
Thank you.