Grace had stopped eating.
“That poor fish,” she’d say. That poor cow, that poor baby pig, that poor everything.
After Grace’s newfound sympathy, Mom started locking my door at night. I would hear stifled screams and loud thumps. “She’s just hormonal. It’s part of becoming a woman,” Mom would say on the other side of my door.
The night Mom forgot to set the locks I wandered into Grace’s room. A man laid unconscious, covered in blood, his severed hand between Grace’s teeth.
“That poor guy,” I said before quietly returning to my room. Thankfully, I still had three years left.
Confusing and too grisly.
agreed. Don’t get the reason for the man being there.
Three years until being eaten? Or three years until also doing what Grace is doing, and eating others? Since I don’t know the narrator’s gender or age relative to Grace, I don’t know what’s implied. Although I like the voice here and the play on “grace,” and the first lines are really promising, I’m not sure what the ultimate logic of this piece is. Backhanded girl bashing?
I can tell the editors are having fun with the Halloween timing but the results lately are feeling a bit juvenile, disappointing in terms of satisfying thematic and emotional content. JMO, obviously.
I liked the start, setting up for a bit of vegetarianism. I assumed the narrator was Grace’s sister? Not sure about this one, although disagree with previous comment about girl-bashing. I agree with last part of comment though.
Perhaps some hints about a ‘coming of age’ or particular birthday near the start would make the last line less confusing, as three years is a specific amount of time.
What about the mom? She would be a woman right? Has she got the vampire/cannibal thing under control now?
Catching up on all the stories, so here is a late post.
Does 101 Words check for grammar?
If so, ‘A man LAY unconscious’ not ‘laid’. Common lie/lay mistake, but the editor should have caught it.
I thought this was great! I took the ending to mean that the narrator was a little sister, three years from becoming what Grace was becoming (or at least that’s what she thought would happen to her). Very clever writing throughout, especially the “That poor [animal]” repetition.
If I were to offer one suggestion, it might be to try to trim three words so you could rephrase the opening line as “My older sister Grace had stopped eating.” I think that might clear up some of the confusion around the later “three years left” line. (Assuming my interpretation of the ending line is correct.)
Either way, I enjoyed it!
agree
Example of tantalizing world building in just over 100 words! I want to know more about what this family is? Is it only a female thing? Is it an age thing?
Well written so I got what was going on, and original enough that I wish I had more. Basically what a story this short should be.
Horror is not my cup of tea … enough in my own life. However, great word play with the “poor ____” throughout. Little sister seemed unfazed by what she saw Grace doing, so what was the point of locking the door?
Took me a couple of reads, but really enjoyed the story overall. The repetition of poor _____ was great. The ending makes me want more! Great job!