By A L Stott
Cinnamon. The spice caught at the back of her throat, not an altogether unpleasant sensation. It rolled through her nostrils, settling on the tiniest buds of her tongue.
Suddenly, she was seven years old standing on a chair, wrapped in a flour-flecked apron. The late afternoon light streaming through the window catching stray hairs falling out of her ponytail to frame her face with strands shining like spun gold.
“Charlotte?”
She pulled herself out of her silent reverie as the barista called her name a second time. She reached for her cinnamon latte and walked out into the late afternoon light.
A fascinating recollection, but it needs editing. “Not an altogether unpleasant experience” isn’t descriptive. The last sentence in the second paragraph needs to be simplified or restructured. The conclusion is anticlimactic. But this story has great potential. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks, Tom! It was my first attempt, so your comments are more than welcome ?
Well, critics, I loved it.
Pleasing structure. A sensory memory framed by the present moment.
beautiful, evocative writing!
Reminds me of baking with my grandmother.
Good description. Makes me want a latte.
However, there is no story, just a memory. This could work as a beginning of a story. As it is now there is no conflict. Stories need conflict, however small. Conflict and resolution. How does this happy memory compare with the present? Perhaps she was baking with her mother, and now they are not on good terms. All sorts of possibilities. Hope this helps.
I enjoyed the sensation of cinnamon. That is what I came away with after reading this.
Smells good but needs more body.
Nice descriptions. A lot of detail was packed into your 101 words!