“They’re expecting 100,000 people,” Lea said as we rode the D Line.
“Are they expecting us?”
“Zooey, you’re either very funny, or a moron.”
“Why can’t I be both?”
We emerged onto Park Street and joined the current of people heading toward the Common. We could hear Sen. McGovern speaking. How would I know who was right if everyone was wrong?
We were told the country needed a revolution. I almost believed it.
But I doubted the revolution would be about ideas. It would be about bloodshed.
And I didn’t need a weatherman to know which way the bullets would flow.
I really don’t understand the point of this story at all. Sometimes 101 words is not enough: this feels like a much longer piece snipped down to six or seven unrelated sections. And sometimes the idea behind revolutions are about stopping bloodshed, such as that in Vietnam? Perhaps reduce the point of the story down to a one-sentence synopsis – and then rewrite the story, giving it more words and sticking to that synopsis?
While I agree with you about a great many micro-fictions, I can’t with this one. Might it be a generational, cultural or historical divide. Is my opinion tainted as I am watching a live stream of a NYC protest as I watch this.
I see a story (beginning, middle, and end) and the character learns something about herself. Yes, it needs some work, but not necessarily a complete rewrite.
I appreciate that you, lizmilnewriting, were kind and measured in your critique. Anyone who invites the public to read their work should be open to appropriately constructed suggestions and criticisms. As a matter of fact, I wish I found more of that here.
Hope you don’t mind that I opined on a criticism of your story EB.
MaryEllen – yes please, opine. 🙂
lizmilnewriting – thanks for reading and your thoughtful comments. cheers 🙂
I agree that this story was complete in many respects. It managed to share humor, dialogue, character description (or at least a sense of their personalities) the objectives of who, where, why, when and how and a personal realization or revelation.
Well done!
Ronda – thanks and cheers 🙂
Thanks for reading. And, for taking time to offer feedback, suggestions, responses, thoughts. I am always interested in how others see my work.
I appreciate the connection and wish you each many happy readings.
Elan
I’m not sure whether my comment on this story reached you. In case it didn’t: I can see how someone my age (just out of college when the Kent State shooting happened) would feel the story resonate more quickly and deeply than it might for someone younger. I thought it did all hang together in 101 words, and it meant a lot to me, but I can appreciate some of the divergent comments from other readers.