By Tony Covatta
Ken Davis’s cellphone rang. He hoped it was his (increasingly erratic) ex-wife Nell and son Andy, who lived in Chicago. He hadn’t heard from her in months.
A nervous male voice: “Mr. Davis? Nell’s in the hospital. She won’t send you Andy.”
“Who—”
Click.
A bitter pill. Nell was required to allow contact and keep Ken fully informed. He called the grandmother.
“Where’s Andy?”
“I don’t know. I never see him anymore.”
Click.
Ken drove to Chicago and found Andy with the grandmother. She let Andy go. Ken got custody of Andy. He sued Nell, alleging breach of duty, and won.
I think this story has wonderful bones (good characters, strong conflict, and a nice hook) but needs to be longer – not hugely longer (unless Tony wants it to be) but just a little more fleshed out, especial that last paragraph – there’s scope for detail, passion, emotion and relief, which is barely hinted at in this 101 words.
I’d like to read more by this writer 🙂
Thank you Liz. I’m glad you liked it.