By Chris Hobson
“It was you!” Henry pointed a skeletal finger at the man. In a wall of people rushing for platform two, Jack halted.
“Excuse me?” Jack met the sick man’s eyes.
Henry’s voice sounded thick with phlegm. “Last Tuesday at 4:24, you coughed without covering your mouth.”
From within his black trench coat Henry pulled a store-bought flumeter. Shaped like an oval belt buckle, its tip glowed bright red.
“Citizen’s arrest!”
Thunder rolled overhead. Passers-by stopped, turning scornful glances on Jack. Rain pelted their umbrellas.
Caught—Jack sank to his knees. Suddenly, uniformed men fell upon him, clapping handcuffs around his wrists.
The writing is very good, but the story lacked ummm… interest. Don’t get discouraged – keep trying.
I’m not certain of what’s happening here. A Dystopian society. A flu epidemic, perhaps. People get arrested for not covering their mouths when coughing. A mechanical device detects carriers. A vigilant citizen makes a citizen’s arrest. Reminds me of the Typhoid epidemic many years ago spread cy one carrier named Mary. I had to read this three times before I figured this much out. Might be better as a longer story with more background about the society and Jack.