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Bud, Nipped

November 26, 2019 2 Comments

Bud, Nipped
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“It was you!” Henry pointed a skeletal finger at the man. In a wall of people rushing for platform two, Jack halted.

“Excuse me?” Jack met the sick man’s eyes.

Henry’s voice sounded thick with phlegm. “Last Tuesday at 4:24, you coughed without covering your mouth.”

From within his black trench coat Henry pulled a store-bought flumeter. Shaped like an oval belt buckle, its tip glowed bright red.

“Citizen’s arrest!”

Thunder rolled overhead. Passers-by stopped, turning scornful glances on Jack. Rain pelted their umbrellas.

Caught—Jack sank to his knees. Suddenly, uniformed men fell upon him, clapping handcuffs around his wrists.

— Chris Hobson

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Comments

  1. b. says

    November 26, 2019 at 11:35 am

    The writing is very good, but the story lacked ummm… interest. Don’t get discouraged – keep trying.

    Reply
  2. Adelaide says

    November 26, 2019 at 3:44 pm

    I’m not certain of what’s happening here. A Dystopian society. A flu epidemic, perhaps. People get arrested for not covering their mouths when coughing. A mechanical device detects carriers. A vigilant citizen makes a citizen’s arrest. Reminds me of the Typhoid epidemic many years ago spread cy one carrier named Mary. I had to read this three times before I figured this much out. Might be better as a longer story with more background about the society and Jack.

    Reply

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