A cacophony of noise filled the air: shuffling footsteps and voices drowned out by the whirring of factory machines. Ten-year-old Mary’s fourteen-hour shift had ended. Eighteen cents earned.
Mouse droppings crunched underfoot. Coal dust clung to the air. Ravenous cravings scratched the pit of Mary’s stomach. Staggering into the dark corridor, she tripped, her hand pressing against a cool brass handle.
A tin can sat on a worn table. She grasped it with shaking hands—unable to read the green label.
Returning home, she opened her treasure with a hammer and chisel, scanning the front.
A single tear rolled down.
Excellent. The imagery was vivid and created a powerful atmosphere.
Sue Cook says
Powerful story – so evocative.
G Dean Manuel says
Awesome story. You made excellent use of your word count.
Paul M Clark says
I thought this really captured the desolate hopelessness of factory life during this time. Great imagery. Lots of emotion. Loved it.
SL Kretschmer says
It’s amazing how much emotion you evoked in so few words. Brilliant story.
Helen Connell says
Tells a sad tale so well in a few words.
Colin Palmer says
That was awesome, I could see and feel the entire emotion and surroundings!
Katie Delay says
The stuttered “p-p-peas” just got me. The relief she feels at finding food. This tiny story packs a punch!
Julie Dykstra says
Thought provoking piece, left me wanting to know more.
Debra Devin says
Wow what a picture! I instantly felt sadness for Mary’s situation.
Janna Miller says
Beautifully sad and descriptive story!
Reaghan Reilly says
Ah, the pain. You touched my heart.
Lauren Ashley says
Fantastic! This is so emotive and sad. Beautiful micro piece!
Veronique Aglat says
I just thought the can would be full of beans, not peas. Don’t know why. Maybe nutrition. Thanks.
Valli Henry-Boldini says
Vivid imagery in a well crafted tale… kudos…