By Sally Sadasivam
Santa smiled a happy smile and announced it had indeed been the most delicious burger that he had ever tasted.
Rudolf responded with a satisfied nod before retreating to the stables, admiring his shiny nose on the way past the mirror. It was nice to have the stables to himself now that he had cleared the remains of Prancer’s and Blitzen’s bones out of the way. Did they really think that after all those years of bullying and undermining, that he would somehow just let bygones be bygones?
No.
Venison burgers were going to be on the menu for some time.
So sick! I love it. 🙂
Woah! This escalated quickly. Sick!
Ha! Hah! Happy Christmas !?
“Olive the other reindeer” finally got her comeuppance 🙂
Good story about the breaking point of those bullied.
Amusing, dark new ending to a childhood tale.
Redundant phrases took me out of the story’s flow:
“smiled a happy smile” (smiles are usually happy – only clarified if not happy, such as ‘sardonic’) and “cleared the remains… out of the way” (if one cleared something, then it is by nature “out of the way”.
If the redundancies were cut, the writer had opportunity of six words to show more story. … I wish we’d been treated to those imaginations. Still. I very much enjoyed the dark wit in this story and I’m looking forward to reading this writer’s next work.
Good points! Thank you.
The reviewer actually changed it to happy smile as I had already used the word satisfied later in the paragraph. It was originally a satisfied smile. Will think about these points-I’m new to this! x
Hi Sally,
Thank you for your response. I’d suspected you meant “satisfied”. Showing satisfaction would be more interesting to me. For example, “rubbed his belly” or “burped behind hand”.
I was, of course, commenting on the end result of your process; during revisions the word count is tested by changes – part of the fun of the 101 word challenge!
Again, I enjoyed your story and I look forward to reading the next one you publish. Your wit is very entertaining.
Thrice I read to extract the inference but couldn’t succeed.
Enjoyed this!
Sardonic and clever. We don’t know till the end that Santa’s burger is reindeer.