By Angie Dent
I saw him only once in my life, Santa Claus. I was seven years old, living back on the farm.
Hardly sleeping with excitement, I heard a strange rustling. Silently I crept downstairs, peering around the wooden bannister into the living room.
And there he was. Dirty red suit, big black plastic sack, raggedy beard, much skinnier than I’d imagined. Knowing I couldn’t be seen as it would spoil the magic, I breathed in the moment and tiptoed back to bed.
Christmas morning, I woke up to mum screaming that the presents had gone.
I never told a soul my secret.
Good twist. Sad too. Poor little girl.
Very clever story. I liked it a lot. The only thing I’d change would be to leave out the “Santa Claus” identifier in the first line. That becomes clear soon enough. Trust your readers. You don’t have to tell them everything.
Quite a surprise! Nicely done.
I saw the ending coming when I read “plastic bag.” Still a nicely poignant story.
Nice twist, enjoyable
Good story! Maybe change out plastic bag to “sack” as it stopped the flow of the story for me. Great ending.
Great Story! I disagree with the comments above urging you to change anything you’ve written. It’s your story and it is well written. A writer must tell the story in their own fashion and with their own words or some of the luster projected by the author leaves the character and becomes just another woeful tale.
Thank you for reading everyone. I was attempting a bit of foreshadowing with the ‘plastic’ – maybe a bit much of a hint.
Nicely done, Angie. Love the last line. Well done.
You are so talented Angie I did snicker at the end. But that’s me being evil. What a secret to keep. Good twist.
Nice story.