By Jon M. Gluckman
Nothing shut up them dogs. They thrashed through the swamp grass like cheetahs after an elk. Their jowls flapped, wet as sheets on a line in the wind. Like Paul Muni or Paul Newman, take your pick, it’s in all them movies. I snapped the high end off a reed for airflow. Shadows loomed over the water’s surface, when all them skinny guards and bloodhounds splashed in. Movies lie. From the bottom of a swamp, a body can no more suck a breath through a hollow reed than it could through a Q-Tip. Breathing, I learned, is key to an escape.
Superbly authentic and atmospheric. Kudos.
Interesting. I liked the description of the dogs.
I love how I can see the entire scene so clearly and also get a sense of your MC’s personality as well. Well done in so few words!!
Liked the atmosphere which you create!
I felt suffocated. Your story succeeded!
Cheetahs in a swamp…after an elk…? Is that a play on how movies lie? Coming so early in the piece the image of fast animals of the african savannah animals after a north american animal was a detractor for me. But the gist of the piece otherwise is brilliant.
Fantastic voice, evocative and original descriptions (love the dog’s jowls!), and compelling storytelling! Wonderful flash!
Wow, the mood of this piece is so real. I feel the need to slap mosquitoes away. And to comment on the obvious (I always wondered if people could breathe through those things! haha) Great Job!
Fabulous! Can we get more?!
You had to see the movie.