By Travis Barrett Glasgow
I wait curbside in the Lowe’s parking lot. I’ve been refused worse jobs, but I have to eat. I have to pay my fourth of the rent at the studio apartment.
At last, a truck pulls up. The driver asks if anyone wants work. We start boarding the truck bed when the white driver puts a firm hand on my chest, halting me from climbing aboard with the rest of the day laborers.
“You got a Social?”
I know where this is going.
“Yes,” I reply.
“I ain’t paying minimum,” says the driver.
The truck rumbles away, and I’m still waiting.
Enjoyed this one, though the moral seemed a bit too obvious. Keep on writing!
I like where you started with this story. You might try cleaning it up some and using more dialogue. Dialogue will allow you to express the desperation with more force. Show don’t tell. Believe me I know it’s easier to be a critic than it is to be a writer. We all started out where you’re at in this thing called the “writer’s journey.”
I liked it.
I enjoyed your story!
I especially liked:
““I ain’t paying minimum,” says the driver.
The truck rumbles away, and I’m still waiting.”
I think there wast just the right amount of dialogue in this piece. It’s difficult to fit in everything in only 101 words, and I think you did it perfectly. I can get a real sense of emotion and the drag of slow work and crap pay from your character.