By D. Avery
Cardinals called him awake. He tossed off the heavy quilts. The air was cold but he would not build a fire. He peered out the curtained window before inventorying the cupboards. The snow had stopped falling sometime in the night after he’d hiked in. Now the cardinals, feeding on vermilion holly berries, flitted red through the snow capped trees, the colors crisp and vibrant against the icy blue sky.
She’d have loved this cabin. He sighed, shaking his head.
The freshly fallen snow covered his tracks, but could not erase the image of the crimson stained snow where he’d left her.
Good start to your novel.
I suppose there is certainly more to this story. I love that about flash fiction, the enticing nugget that can stand alone but hints at more. But that means there’s so much more that I don’t know about the story!
An intriguing last sentence that leaves many questions with the reader. This earlier section: “She’d have loved this cabin. He sighed, shaking his head.”
has me thinking he has fond feelings for the woman. The ending puts that into doubt. This needs a longer story as i feel it is only a beginning. My understanding of the 101 word story is that it needs a beginning, middle with some action or movement, and an end that gives a solution. This is a great beginning with wonderful description and mystery.
Hello, and thank you for your comments. I will disagree with you though and my opinions are my own; I feel it is okay for flash fiction to be somewhat unresolved, to have an ambiguous ending. If I provided a version of why he is hiding out I would have robbed the reader of something. I do agree that it could be grown into a longer story, but disagree that it “needs” a longer story. But after all this, I may just do that! Thank you, and have a positive and productive 2020.
Love all that red imagery. And I’m intrigued… what happened to her? Why the red strains?
Who knows? 101 words was all I was given. It’s most likely a Dateline type story. Crime of passion and all that. Not my kind of story, but I don’t mind baiting you with the imagery and intrigue.
Lovely story D. So much said in your allotted amount of words. The potential for more is there if the path takes you there.
You are very kind to travel all this way, thank you and happy new year. I am beginning to think I may have set myself another story path, dang it. (I’m beginning to have potential stories pester me)
this is really intriquing …as Adelaide above says I went from feeling warm towards him to very, very cold.
Great start.
Yes, he is cold after all, and not just because of the unheated winter cabin. Thank you for coming by. Have a great 2020.
It took an unexpected turn, darkening the crimson. Good to see you wrangling two extra words. Nice flash!
Definitely a stretch from 99 and much harder to make change. Thanks, I always appreciate your two sense.
Beautiful imagery- I love this!
Thank you, I appreciate your reading and comments.