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Eat Dessert First

September 22, 2022 14 Comments

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Inviting Aunt Pauline to Thanksgiving was my father’s idea. The last time I’d seen her, she’d stolen the microphone at my cousin’s bar mitzvah and sang karaoke Mariah Carey on the bimah before the Torah portion.

When Pauline arrived for dinner, she brought Jell-O salad and called it a “dessert-etizer.” The evening started amiably enough with sparkling cider, but no one counted on Pauline’s whiskey flask hidden in her garter.

While I tried to slice the salad jiggling inside green gelatin, Aunt Pauline started dancing ‘The Mashed Potato’ and filling her bra with cranberry muffins.

Nobody felt like eating the turkey.

By Rachel Teferet

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. yogita says

    September 22, 2022 at 7:04 am

    Ha ha.. kleptomaniac aunt, well described. Enjoyed reading

    Reply
    • Rachel Teferet says

      October 20, 2022 at 8:20 am

      Thank you 🙂

      Reply
  2. Scott Brian Blanke says

    September 22, 2022 at 9:10 am

    Oy vey. I had an aunt like that.

    Reply
    • Rachel Teferet says

      October 20, 2022 at 8:21 am

      Haha, oy vey iz mir 😀

      Reply
  3. Derek says

    September 22, 2022 at 10:53 am

    So obviously you’ve met my aunt 🙂

    Reply
    • Rachel Teferet says

      October 20, 2022 at 8:21 am

      I guess truth is stranger than fiction 🙂

      Reply
  4. Valli Henry-Boldini says

    September 25, 2022 at 9:09 am

    Lol… fun read… loved it!!!… Kudos…

    Reply
    • Rachel Teferet says

      October 20, 2022 at 8:21 am

      Thanks so much!

      Reply
  5. Elizabeth J Allen says

    September 28, 2022 at 9:52 pm

    So funny! Great job painting Aunt Pauline’s character!

    Reply
    • Rachel Teferet says

      October 20, 2022 at 8:22 am

      Big thanks, Elizabeth!

      Reply
  6. Noelle Foster says

    October 2, 2022 at 8:27 am

    I really wish I had an Aunt Pauline! So much fun…well done!

    Reply
    • Rachel Teferet says

      October 20, 2022 at 8:23 am

      Thank you, Noelle! I don’t know, Aunt Paulines can make bar mitzvahs and Thanksgiving rather hazardous 😉

      Reply
  7. S. Tierney says

    October 3, 2022 at 5:42 am

    Funny and sad at the same time. Love it!

    Reply
    • Rachel Teferet says

      October 20, 2022 at 8:23 am

      Thank you!

      Reply

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