By Helen Beer
You knew before the ultrasound tech’s face betrayed her concern. She couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with your wife. The familiar fluttering had ceased. There was nothing but silence, an achingly hollow stillness.
The doctor’s mentions of “Anomaly” and “Blessing in disguise” were white noise in the sterile room. Your wife would be induced; your dead baby would be delivered.
After the doctor left the room, after your wife was escorted to admitting, you remained for a moment, steeling yourself. You dried your eyes with your sleeve and opened the door. Your wife needed you, and you needed her.
Sad.
I know this and you have captured it perfectly.
Great writing. I felt their pain and the saddness of their loss.
Very moving piece, well rendered. The phrase, “the familiar fluttering had ceased” really got me. I’ve heard that during my own pregnancy ultrasound.
Very very sad. Not just the fluttering stopping but the prospect of delivery of a dead baby.
But why and how did the husband already know?
“But why and how did the husband already know?”
You must live in a very protected bubble. Why do you think he would know?
Moving, emotional without being maudlin
I enjoyed this one. The prose style is fantastic.
sad. That’s all.
I like this but I think overall it would be stronger if you changed the ”you” to ”I”.
I agree with Christine…First person narrator would be better.
Yes, I agree about putting it into first person. Powerful and relatable.
I’ll be the wild card and say I thought the use of second person here worked, but perhaps just because we see it used so rarely and this was such a short piece. But it worked for me, at any rate. Very sad piece. Well written and evoked a lot of emotion.
Best story for ages. Movingly true.