By Bud Pharo
As a divorced, overcompensating father, I bought my kids something they’ve always wanted—a hippopotamus. Here’s what I didn’t know:
Hippos kill more humans than any other land mammal, so don’t piss them off.
They’re more territorial than your in-laws. Once they’re in your house, good luck getting them out. And like your in-laws, hippos talk continuously—using honks, growls, and squeaks—making movie night extremely annoying. But unlike your in-laws (hopefully), hippos fling feces to mark their territory.
Hippos only mate every two years—about the same as me now that I’m living with a shit-tossing hippo with anger issues.
So funny! So original! (I especially loved your hopefully in parentheses.)
Hi Jan,
Thank you for reading.
Bud
Love this lightheartedness!
Hi Shoshauna,
I’m you liked it.
Bud
Lived it too. Great unique humor.
Thanks Ed.
Witty and imaginative. I hear rhinoceroses are even worse house guests!
Thanks! Yes, I suspect rhinos are also bad house guests; something to do with being perpetually horny.
This is hilarious! Thanks
Glad you liked it.
Hilarious! Well done!
Thank you for reading my story.
That opening line is killer–and the story just keeps getting better from there! Love this!
Hi Tamm,
I appreciate the kind words.
Bud
Very funny… and I have a hippo in the book I’m working on, so you just saved me some research on reasons not to want one, LOL.
Jo,
Glad to be of assistance.
Bud
Very funny. Well done!
Thank you for the smiles.
Love the humor here.