By Jeffrey A. Paolano
Coffee in hand I assume a seat in the wickerwork chair, bundling an afghan about my legs. The sunlight warms my face, as does the steam from my cup o’ brew.
The bird feeder—outside the glass—hangs but yards away as it sways in the winter wind. Snow blankets the contraption, shielding the seed dispenser from interloper ravagement.
A squirrel leaps, scrambles, and plummets through the snow, leaving an imprint of splayed limbs. The unsuccessful sciurine scuttles up the tree in a trice, and then leaps once more, then once more, then once more.
I’m roused to resume abandoned ambitions.
It’s frustrating to realize the author of “Dear Mr.” has written this one.
There’s plenty of argument about what flash is, or isn’t, or should be. I myself want to find a story, and have seen–with your “Dear Mr.” and in a recent story here by another author–that 101 words is plenty of room to create a whole world for the reader.
I’d call this a moment and not a story. In “Dear Mr.” you let the plot shine in its unadorned power. I’d like to hear more of that in whatever voice you’d choose to do it.
Miss Akhtar:
Thank you for your perspective. All comments are of value to writers, but those that clarify and edify are especially valuable and therefor you have my appreciation. My son who has an undergraduate degree in English tries valiantly to make the same point with me on many occasions and when he read your note he immediately brought it to my attention as you are his confederate in this matter.
Again I appreciate you taking the time and interest. I can only hope that in future you find my work improves and provides stories you can enjoy.
Jeff
Jeff (and please call me Sarah):
I’m finding here on this site that too many writers seem to be vying to cram as many different adjectives and adverbs into their 101-word limit as can possibly be done. Finding an actual story under all that elegance is a hard quest.
Elmore Leonard’s “10 Rules for Good Writing” is sort of like an MFA distilled into flash. Don’t open your laptop without it…
Writing to a non-negotiable word limit taught me more than anything or anyone else, anywhere. If it doesn’t advance the story or illuminate the character–dump it.
I think you’ve proven that you can write with real heart and make the reader care. Resist the temptation of the fancy phrase signifying nothing and you’ll let that heart glow.