By Jyoti P
She woke up to check social media. One suggestion popped up: ‘Follow Rakesh Jhunjhunwala,’ the Indian stock market czar. Joe pressed ‘ignore,’ chuckled, and dived into her hot masala, morning tea of the East. She was hungry and agitated.
Liking online posts is quite akin to throwing pebbles—detached, ephemeral, and mindless, she thought. However, some of her friends had cared to throw hearts and fires at her workshop-in-progress pictures.
Two minutes later, Jhunjhunwala’s pictures flashed on Indian news channels. He had dropped dead from a heart attack. Dumbstruck, she opened her account and this time the suggestion was her sister.
Very good and scary.
Thank you, Derek.
It’s a well-written piece of flash fiction. Crisp and contemporary, it neatly cuts through the online clap-trap culture. There’s a touch of ambiguity at the end which adds to the piece’s surprise element and interest. Also, it leaves much for the readers to discern and decode.
A few suggestions:
1. ‘Joe’ is a masculine name. ‘Jo’ is feminine, on the other hand. So, a change is recommended.
2. Rakesh Jhunjhunwala could be abbreviated to R. Jhunjhunwala or simply R. J. Wala, in order to make it humorous and less pointed towards any individual of the same name.
3. Would you consider adding a sentence or a phrase at the end? A note of wily humour or even a droll one, for instance. Please ignore it if you don’t like it.
Bravo. Many congratulations. All punch to your pen. Best wishes.
Thank you, Dr. Jaspreet.
I love your feedback. Yes, certainly these suggestions are welcome. The only challenge was to contain this piece in exact 101 words.
I would try to incorporate these ideas for future write ups.
Regards,
Jo ?
Very nicely done! I love your use of irony too.
Scott
J. Why are you suggesting edits be made to a story that’s already been published ?
Dear Scott,
Thanks for the feedback. Dr. Jaspreet has been my teacher and an expertise in creative writing. I welcome her suggestions for future endeavours.
Very well written piece of flash fiction. I loved the central para which is superbly written. May this fount of creativity keep flowing. Best.
Dr. Rabinder,
Succinct put. Thanks.
Joe – what a well-written piece of flash fiction! Congrats! My only suggestion (for the future, of course) is that you omit “of the East” from the following sentence:
Joe pressed ‘ignore,’ chuckled, and dived into her hot masala, morning tea of the East.
Thank you Dr. Archana for the comment.
Nicely written piece… like the ‘vagueness’ at the end… kudos …
Thanks Valli!
Loved reading this laconic piece of writing
I highly commend the scary suggestive ending .
Eagerly waiting for your next interesting piece of flash fiction .
Dear Jasmine ma’am,
Thanks for the encouragement.
Beautiful, Jyoti. Only heart and fire for you.
But you scared me with the last line!
The end did read a little like an omen. Or so the author might like everyone to believe…
Well done 🙂