By Dana Jean Rider
“God is love.” The thought finally came while hidden in a church rectory, lip-locked with another girl, her mouth soft and kind.
And after, fresh memories of awkward hands ignorant of where to go for pleasure, hovering instead over tense shoulders. Next day, I sang church hymns with an extremist’s enthusiasm.
The virginal thrill faded, and I was haunted.
The sisters stared at me in the hallway—could they smell my secret? Nuns hovering outside the girl’s bathroom—waiting for me? My confidence betrayed by a sudden glance at my shaking hands.
Through paranoia, I learned that God is fear, too.
Great piece – brings back visceral memories of Catholic school and stepping outside those rigid lines. A lot fitted into 101 words. Thanks!
Good piece. I have no first-hand knowledge of nuns, or Catholic schooling, but I felt the fear and guilt.
excellent, I love it!
Fantastic story. Topical. Descriptive. Emotionally charged. Great character arc. I love how you use a secret to create insight. Well done!
Great story! Truly impressive how much meaning is conveyed in such little space.
Great story! I could feel the main character’s every emotion.
Nothing new here. The same tired stereotype that church = harsh and oppressive.
Why not explore the good that church offers?
Maybe the girls feel guilty because they know they were wrong to profane the rectory.
Forgiveness is there for those who look for it instead of indulging carnal desires.
it’s about the writing, dear, not your preferences.
Criticism should be constructive – otherwise it’s just unkindness. It may not be new to you, but perhaps it’s new to the author. I wonder if you would care to share a story that you have written at all?
I have had more than 20 stories published on this site. Some of the feedback on those is constructive, and some is not.
I did give a suggestion, which the writer is free to take or ignore. My comment is less unkind than many editors make on submissions all over the business.