By B. K. Bolen
The rain was drizzling lightly as Evan lay in bed with his wife, Julie. He squeezed her small feeble hand, listening to the wind. He was thankful to be with Julie and owed his life to her.
During his early twenties, Evan had been a compulsive gambler and within six months had racked up substantial debt. Everything in his world began to collapse until he met Julie.
She helped save his life then, and now he wanted to be with her forever. Evan stroked her pallid cheek and said, “I’ll be with you soon, my darling,” and then swallowed more arsenic.
It’s not clear to me that Julie is dead. If she’s not, why would he kill himself and leave her in a weakened condition? She can’t take care of herself.
What a touching story! His love for her was so deep, he couldn’t imagine a life without her.
I think this is what Romeo and Juliet would have been like if they’d been older. This is a good story but suicide is not something I would recommend!
With a comma after “wife” in the first sentence, it reads as if the author is telling this to someone named Julie rather than giving the wife’s name as Julie. In the second sentence, the phrase “listening to the wind” is unnecessary and out of place. Lastly, I agree with janetwr’s comment. Why is he killing himself when she’s not dead.
I found this to be a very touching story. To me it is clear that his wife is deceased. The phrase ( I’ll be with you soon) clearly implies that she is gone. Since she saved his life he believes he needs to be with her in the afterlife. To me that shows true commitment. Having a comma before her name is correct. Also I like the descriptive feel of the rain and wind. They tie in nicely to the theme. I believe janetwr & jdwoessner clearly missed the meaning.Carild1@hotmail.com Great Job!
For anyone who is confused about the comma placed before the name Julie, read the third sentence. Why would the author state that Evan was grateful to be with Julie if he was telling this story to person named Julie. To me, it’s pretty clear that Julie is dead. Why else would Evan say “I’ll be with you soon” as he is trying to kill himself with arsenic? Having someone in your life that you do not want to live without is rather touching. Aging isn’t easy!