By Cristina
Her greasy hair draped her face in congealed chunks—like prison bars caging her from the diner’s otherwise friendly interior.
Thoughts from the past flickered endlessly behind her burning eyelids. Fragmented stories flashed like old movie projections on a blank wall. She couldn’t make sense of them.
Fear’s grip twisted her insides. Her legs twitched to run, but doom’s heavy hold kept her in her chair.
She’d been here before. He’d sat across from her…she’d felt safe then.
“Look, kid—if ya ain’t gonna order, ya gotta move on,” chimed the waitress.
Move on, she thought, now there’s an idea.
I love the way you open and end this! The description of her hair says to much, and the last line does to. I love it when writers manage to convey a change in so few words.
Great characterisation! – tiny bit of feedback: I would say that you don’t need ‘in congealed chunks’ – it kind of broke the story for me. Try without and you’ll see that it’s just as effective and a bit cleaner (and gives you three more words to play with elsewhere! Maybe also ‘Fear twisted her insides’ instead of ‘Fear’s grip’? But, nice little story and excellent ending 🙂