Please excuse David from school today, as well as attendance at funerals, baby showers, town meetings, and other social obligations.
Provide him with alibis for avoiding weddings, holiday gatherings, block parties, etc. Hold him blameless in tax filings, library fines, incidents inciting road rage, and what have you.
Vindicate and absolve him of all past, present, and future shortcomings of mind, body, and spirit.
Guard him against cops, congressmen, and disgruntled kin.
Deliver him from dictators, demagogues, witch hunters, and evangelists.
Preserve and protect him from bores, boors, and boars.
Kindly lay waste his enemies as you see fit.
Thank you.
I’m not sure I understand. It’s unique and it’s intriguing but there no real ending to it. It really is just a note but I don’t understand why David should be excused to do or not do those things. May I ask why? I really am curious and I want to understand.
Claire, thanks for your comment. I suppose that having to trim a story to fit the “101 words exactly” format took out a few bits of connective tissue, but the story is intact. I think that the imagined letter writer is looking for a kind of freedom from everyday life that I think we all want from time to time. You can check out some of my other short fictions at thestoryside.com.
This is great. Can you write me a global exuse also? Pls!
I really love this – makes me giggle and, like Patricia, I would like to have a ‘get out of jail free’ note, too. How are you at forging signatures?
Interesting, how this ‘story’ can be interpreted a number of different ways by the reader. I like it. For me, the first time around, I see David (the character) as a seventeen year old struggling with his ensuing tranfomation to adulthood. He sees a scary world out there. David wrote this Global Excuse Note, maybe as a prayer. He’s going to need all the help he can find, for it’s a scarier world out there today.
Amen!
I love the alliteration and the almost Biblical diction, absolving David from all possible obligations, persecutions, and calamities. It’s funny, and at the same time, makes me realize how much I want one too!
Ha-ha! You’re excused, David.
wishful thinking, but you aren’t excused, david. you gotta be stronger now, more than ever. the world demands it.
Yo, David. Excuses accepted, man.
Hahahahaha brilliant. Great idea and well slotted into that 101 straightjacket.