By K. E. Bevier
The lead Toyota skidded to an abrupt stop in the village square, machine gunner seeking danger everywhere. Dust. Barks. Silence. The second and fourth cars spilled bodyguards into the brutal sun, sniffing threat before the devil would exit the third. Aliya hid deep in shadow, remembering the mullah’s shouted “Inshallah” as he butchered her parents for allowing her the joy of school. A warrior shouts and points at a flash high overhead. Aliya clutches her doll, beseeches Allah in whispered prayer, and watches the Mujahideen disappear amid screams from a tortured Earth bathed suddenly in the light of a thousand suns.
A world we can only glimpse through a well written like this.
Brutal and incisive. Good job.
Well done building a lot of story into a few words. The tension comes across well.
Love the imagery; the story itself is heartbreaking and needs to be told.
There are a few mechanical things that need to be cleaned up a little, such as changing verb tenses and possibly the need for a paragraph break somewhere. But overall, well done.