By Alyson Faye
Shattered glass crunched under her bare feet and bit into her flesh. The blood matched her toenail varnish, but Lucia barely noticed. In her head all she could see, indeed, smell, was her mother’s cooking. The spices she associated with love.
It had been a long walk home. The last two miles of it she had trodden, blood-shod.
The passing verbal assaults from random truck drivers had barely registered. Her husband doled out worse, as her daily diet.
Lucia ignored the signs stating ‘Due for Demolition.’ Ducking under the tape, she crawled to her mother’s living room floor and slept. Safe.
Beautifully written!
I liked this story. I could feel her pain and her comfort from what she remembered. Good writing!!
A beautiful capsule of Lucia’s life! Thank you. Jerry
Lots of places to tighten and to use the available word count to heighten the story. The last word isn’t necessary. We get that.
The last word was just right, Alyson. It changes the entire direction of your story, from gloomy to hopeful. And safe! Good job.
Last word was perfect.
Loved this taste of Lucias life. Really well written and moving.
YOUR use of the last word draws two stories to a conclusion, yours and your characters. Keep finding ways to express what you feel and you won’t go wrong.
I was hooked from the very first sentence. Perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.
If there was anything to criticize, certainly I would not agree it was the use of the last word! That added to the poetic sound of the piece. You were trying to pack a lot into 101 words and were pretty successful for what you had to work with!
Within tragedy are moments of comfort, if only fleeting. Well composed.