A bitterly cold wind unleashes its fury on those who venture outside. But it doesn’t deter Alessandro this Halloween. His tall frame is protected by a black wool cloak.
Shrouded in darkness, he is pleasantly surprised when he encounters a throng of costumed revelers visiting his cemetery. The exuberant adults compliment him on his unique appearance and offer him a treat from their bag of goodies.
“Help yourself,” they say.
Before he indulges in a guilty pleasure, Alessandro licks his sultry lips in gleeful anticipation. Then his bloodshot eyes adopt a steely glint as he proceeds on to his main course.
Oh yes, I got the mental picture of Boris Karloff in the title role.
Thank you for reading and your comment.
Marjan,
Your choice of words to establish the tone in the setting and begin the narrative is excellent. Some specific examples of these selections are “bitterly cold,” the “winds fury,” the “black cloak” and “shrouded.”
Alssandro’s desire to get to the raw meat is conveyed well by your use of “steely glint” in his “blood shot” eyes. Because you choice of words is so excellent, I think you can come up with a synonym for reveller, a commonly -used word, that I think is used too often, that will strike your readers as effectively as your other words have.
In between the hair-raising beginning and end, your use of comic relief was very effective: the friendly, happy Halloweeners naively thinking Alessandro was one of them.
Keep up the good work.
Thank you Susan for taking the time to read my story and for your wonderful feedback.
It is very much appreciated.
Wonderful. Funny and chilling at the same time. I love the mix of worlds here. You tell a large story in a small amount of words. Excellent
Thank you Iqbal for your wonderful comments.