By Lynda Kirby
The auditorium hushed on the word, “Go.” Both finalists lit their pre-cut cigars which glowed, ash growing.
As the large clock counted the seconds, the silent audience used finger gestures to make bets on whose ash would collapse first.
When smoke curled into the expectant air, each combatant laid their cigar in the groove of the crystal ashtray.
The ash lengthened; the clock ticked.
Gazes fixed on the smouldering cigar. The aroma of tobacco leaf gave way to a mix of liquorice, vanilla, and a hint of dark rum. Ralph pursed his lips around the damp end.
CRASH.
He jerked.
£10,000 lost.
Interesting idea, but confusing in the telling. What crashed? In the 3rd par. the cigars are in an ashtray and the ash is lengthening. Then Ralph smokes it and the ash falls? This is my assumption, but the narrative is not clear.
What a fun and bizarre idea! You did a really nice job with the pacing and the build-up — this felt like a legit sports competition!
I, too, was a little confused on where the cigars were (it seemed they went from the ashtray to mouths without that being noted). Other than that, though, this worked really well for me!