The drummer battered away at his kit with venomous incompetence, while the guitarist didn’t so much play her instrument as murder it loudly. The singer’s piercing shriek, meanwhile, was verging on shattering my eardrums. She whirled the mic stand around her head, almost decapitating the guitar player, hollering a song that didn’t seem to have words so much as a series of hugely enthusiastic noises. It was the best gig I’d seen in years.
“Kids, lunchtime!” shouted Mum from the kitchen.
The band abandoned their instruments and ran towards their sausages, baked beans, and potato waffles.
I tidied up the toys.
Very nicely done, David.
Thanks Roy!
I had to read
it twice.
Loved it!
Thank you very much!
Quite enjoyable. I have a good vision of these budding musicians!
Thanks a lot!
I liked the idea behind the story. I liked the last line very much.
I thought certain descriptions were a bit “clunky” and interrupted the flow.
The ones that stood out for me were “venomous incompetence” and “hugely enthusiastic noises”, I think they were overly complicated?
I also thought describing what the kids were having for tea was unnecessary.
But otherwise it was a great idea.
Thanks for reading Charise!
Wonderful, from that fabulous first sentence/paragraph to the surprise at the end. I am still smiling. You da man, Dave!
Thanks a lot Dianne!
I will laugh with you for years to come. This story reminds me of my early days as a father. Some minor imperfections but well hidden by the great delivery of the tale.
Thanks a lot!
I loved the description of the musical rendition, complete with its last line anticipating a surprise and then the surprise. This is one I won’t forget in a hurry.
Thank you Joanna, very kind!
Brilliant, love the ‘music reporter’ style leading into the mundanity of sausage, baked beans and potato waffles, very nice 🙂
Thank you very much Liz!
Loved it as a parent. Great twist at end to little kids, it could have been about an adult band. Made me laugh and read it again knowing that they were kids the second time through. Good image of kids hearing the word “food” and dropping toys wherever. Oh the joys of neverending picking up after the little ones! I liked the words you used. They didn’t interior flow, they conveyed chaos! 😛
Thank you Dawn, your comments are very much appreciated!
You must be a dad, David, cause only a knowing dad could write with such perception about children! Great job!
I am indeed, although I only have one, not three. Thank you Bobby!
Well written and a surprising ending. Fun read.
Thank you!
you really got me! super!
Thank you!