By Sara Jacobelli
Aunty Ruth sent me upstairs for swearing and sneaking Oreos. Didn’t matter. I liked looking out the window. Just like TV, anything could happen.
I saw two teenagers making out, the boy slipping his hand under the girl’s shirt. I saw a frumpy lady crying; then a man slapped her.
One night I saw a tall man stick a gun to another man’s head. The shorter man gave up his wallet. The man with the gun looked up and our eyes met. I held my breath. In the bar sign’s eerie pale green glow, I recognized him. He was my father.
That was an unexpected ending.Really liked your story.You are a natural.Keep writing Sara.You are so gifted.
Glad you liked it!
terrific twist ending
Love the twisty ending. Total surprise!
Loved the story.
A small suggestion? Maybe have ‘his father’ send him to his room? Moral twist?
I was picturing a girl, since the first line was true! But yes, that’s a neat suggestion.
Oh my!!!! and then?????
Crisp, fast little story. What a punchline! Scary too.
Wow! That hit hard. Loved the unexpected.
Loved the twist great writing
Hell!!!
Wow, great story, great ending. Well done. x
That last line. Wow!
You have the opening lines for a novel. I’d read that, and I’d buy the book.
Thanks so much! That’s what I like about writing flash fiction, and in using the form in writing workshops. You never know when a short piece will spark something longer, such as a short story, a novella, or a novel!
Wow!
I love surprise endings this was great.
The girl is so real she raises tons of questions I want answered. Does she live with her aunt instead of her father? Or both? If so, where is mom? Does her father frequent the bar? Will he threaten her to keep her quiet?