By Bobby Warner
I took a shortcut to the bus stop, and came across an old guy sitting on a doorstep holding a cat in his lap. A really funky smell told me the cat was dead.
“Don’t my cat look nice?” the old man said.
A gorgeous girl appeared behind him. “Grandpa,” she said, “you oughta bring Tuffy back inside. He’s drawing flies.”
“I never could give up a pet,” the old man said. “Wanna come inside and see the rest of them?”
The thought of what horrors might be inside that crumbling apartment made me dash away as though pursued by demons.
Great images, Bobby, albeit horrific – I pushed my toast away…..!
I might have used a word like “bolt” ….instead of “dash” …… the latter doesn’t quite fit the seriousness of the his situation.
Thanks, Jazz. Hey, you are dead-on right. “Bolt” would a been a super better word for the way the guy got out of there. From now on I plan to use my thesaurus more when looking for the REALLY right word! Glad you made that suggestion.
I like the alliteration of dashing from demons.
I’m wondering if “gorgeous” is important to the story. How is she gorgeous? If the narrator finds the girl attractive wouldn’t that have been reason enough to go inside?
A really good story and kind of off beat–thoughts about the gorgeous girl and the old man could go in many directions.
Good story!
Perhaps the ending would be stronger if you put this sentence at the end:
“I never could give up a pet,” the old man said. “Wanna come inside and see the rest of them?”
Good story! I agree with the above statement–better ending.
Had to read this a couple of times before I realised that what makes this story so macabre is that the granddaughter so blithely accepts that her grandad keeps a dead cat – that’s a really nice touch.