By Kurt Mullen
The glass door of the big clothes washer caught the overhead light, and in the reflection Kate watched the young couple.
“Stop it, Mitchell,” the girl said as she turned her skinny body and yanked the boy’s hands free from her front pockets.
“What?” he laughed.
To be together they would have to sneak around, Kate decided, folding them into a memory she cherished of her younger self. It sure beat quibbling with her own husband, which she’d done earlier, but would stop now as she rode this home to him, like a motorcycle, tearing around corners, forgetting the stupid laundry.
Good start, the imagery and choice of words worked well, but, I think you need a few more words to show the transition from them to us.
What I immediately thought of in reading this, as well as the previous short piece you wrote about a month ago, is the fact that, like a visual artist trying to paint a small painting, writing a concise piece can often be more challenging than writing something more extensive. The selection of words have to be right on in order for it to work. Good for you on taking on this challenge!
Agree with B., above. I was really hooked till the last sentence…where I became hopelessly lost. Maybe it’s me, eh? I like your writing. Very visual.
Nice job my teacher!
I liked it very much until the last sentence. Rode what home? Could you instead suggest a memory of her with her husband before he sucked so bad? But your style is quite enjoyable, old sock!