By Kimberly Gutierrez
Dressed in the Army’s finest, she boards the bus, heading for the unknown.
I clutch the gold locket around my neck. The image of her wide, missing tooth smile and sparkling green eyes is held within each heartbeat, along with her singsong voice, “I want to fight on the front lines!” while parading in her dad’s fatigues.
Fear and pride wrestle, pulse and thunder through my body. My throat is tight, strangled.
She waves through an open window as the bus lurches and burps. Black smoke fractures the pink sky, daring me to chase her, to catch her if she falls.
Wonderful imagery and emotional punch – well done!
Thank you so much for reading and for your most kind words!
Beautiful! I am right there.
Thank you so much for reading and for your most kind words!
My arms are covered with goose bumps. This is a great example of how to “show, not tell.” If only I could write so well.
Thank you,
Benita
Thank you so much for reading and for your generous feedback, your words I will treasure!
What a powerful piece of flash fiction. Well done!
Thank you so much for reading and for your most kind words!
I was a soldier (U.S. Army Infantry, Vietnam) I did not see gray hair on my parents when I left… I did when I returned. My brother was a Marine. We were both there at the same time. Your piece helps me see their agony.
Please know I am most grateful to you and your brother for your service, your dedication, and your sacrifice. It is very humbling to be in the company of others who have given so much. Thank you too for reading and for sharing some of your experience as a young man heading into Vietnam, as well as offering a glimpse into the worry/anxiety your loved ones felt while you and your brother were deployed, such a heavy, scary time <3
Thank you.
Beautifully written with powerful imagery. Well done.