By Raymond Sloan
‘‘Who would you tell?’’ Rachel, my boss, says while typing, confiding she suspects Greg of cheating. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice that she trusts me; I just wish she wasn’t so blunt about it.
I go home but let her words gnaw at me all night. I can’t stomach food the next day but swallow up everything she has to say later, when we go for drinks.
As she prattles on about her suspicions, I fondly recall my last time in this wonderful hotel. Huge bed and Greg. Him, blind drunk. Backside baring. Quietly assuring me, ‘‘She’d never suspect you.’’
Love your word choices and great flow. I enjoyed riding the wave!
Neither Rachel nor Greg rate mc as important. Who would YOU tell? ‘‘She’d never suspect YOU.’’ Skilful use of dialogue to convey this.
Awesome
I think this is a very strong story. I like it, particularly the second paragraph. However, as a writer and editor myself, I have to say that the first line clunked a little for me (…Rachel, my boss, says while typing…). There are definitely easy fixes for that. I’m also wondering if someone who’s blind drunk would state anything quietly. (I’m also not a big fan of adverbs.) But definitely good work overall!
I forgot to mention that I love the title!
Yes. I can only concur with the other comments. A very good story.
Terrific story. I found myself wondering who initiated the tryst. Was it Greg, trapped in an unsatisfying marriage to a frigid shrew? Or was it the narrator, perhaps after having spotted Greg at an office Christmas party, locking eyes with him through the haze of spiked punch and deciding, maybe simply to spite her uppity boss who got the promotion that the narrator herself felt she deserved, that she’s going to have him? Or perhaps Rachel herself, indirectly so, by more and more denying Greg the intimacy he desires, gradually turning their house into a prison for him so that he has no choice but to seek freedom in the arms of another woman. So many possibilities!