By Lisa M. Scuderi-Burkimsher
At Brian’s Park, Tara joins in kicking a ball back and forth with two young boys. The one boy kicks it far, while the littler boy runs after it.
It’s four-thirty in the afternoon and Tara sees the boys’ mother coming to take them home. They whine, plead, but she says they have homework to do and thanks Tara for keeping them occupied. Tara waits until they leave. She keeps the image of the day in her head, but her eyes swell and her heart pounds.
Tara’s at this park every summer, named after her son who disappeared two years ago.
I really want the reveal to be more subtle, because it’s that good.
Poignant and so sad and well written. I don’t see how the reveal could be more subtle. But then, that might be me. I worry that feedback is sometimes more about how the person making it, is saying that is to do with their kind of writing. Maybe not but at least it is teaching both something.
It’s an excellent little piece. I can see what D means, though – moving the great into the sublime with something like > Tara makes her way over to Barry’s bench and polishes his plaque with her handkerchief.< The end as is could well be regarded as a bit "on the nose".
I’d have thought this a stronger story if “Brian’s Park” had been left for the last line; it was a strong intimation of what was to come.
Hey, this story is fine just as is. The last line explained everything. It’s a Winner.