At the lakeshore of my childhood, under a cloudless blue sky, I notice nothing has changed—the wide green grass, the warm damp earth, the air hazy with heat. The way time slows as I gaze at the lake’s shimmering surface.
On the dock a saxophonist plays, startling geese into flight. Beside me, my son holds up a gray bass, its dark eyes flashing as it fights for life.
How sweet the relief when its fins touch water, how fortunate for both fish and boy. To be in this place where beauty is plentiful, where life swims and settles and stays.
Love it. Nice descriptions.
Hello Stacie,
I agree with Howard concerning the effective descriptive nature of your flash, as well as the sentiment expressed.
A way of imparting a deeper, more personal point of view, revealing emotions of narrator, might require utilizing a variety of sentence types, and the use of hyphens, dashes. Avoiding prepositional phrases, which give the piece a “telling” aspect instead of showing emotions of narrator, might be another suggestion for increasing reader empathy with narrator.
Best,
Cathryn
Stacie I think it’s perfect.
Outstanding.
Beautiful!
Awesome..
Lovely! I had a funny moment of confusion about the bass being a fish and not a musical-instrument-bass after the saxophonist line.
A welcome evocation of the constancy of the good in our lives.
This is beautiful!