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Never Good Enough

December 7, 2022 30 Comments

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As he lay dying, my father’s request that I wear my service uniform to his funeral was as close as he’d ever come to saying he was proud of me.

Regardless of my accomplishments, his withering criticism during my teen years weighed on my adult mind. Did he still think I was the “dumbest man God ever put breath into”? My veterans’ readjustment therapist says it’s more about his lack of self-esteem than my adolescent failures.

As the nurse increases the morphine drip and his lucidity fades, my last chance to hear him say he loves me slips away as well.

By Bud Pharo

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Scott Bogart says

    December 7, 2022 at 7:03 am

    Nicely done, Bud. Congrats !

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:15 pm

      Thank you.

      Reply
  2. DeRicki Johnson says

    December 7, 2022 at 7:06 am

    So poignant and well written.

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:16 pm

      Thank you for reading my story.

      Reply
  3. Derek says

    December 7, 2022 at 7:08 am

    A very sad story very well told.

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:17 pm

      Thanks.

      Reply
  4. Peggy Gerber says

    December 7, 2022 at 7:18 am

    You’ve captured so many emotions in so few words. So well done.

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:18 pm

      I’m glad you liked it.

      Reply
  5. John Holmes says

    December 7, 2022 at 7:20 am

    Moving.

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:19 pm

      Thank you.

      Reply
  6. yogita says

    December 7, 2022 at 7:34 am

    So poignant..well done

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:21 pm

      I appreciate your feedback.

      Reply
  7. Kathy Whipple says

    December 7, 2022 at 8:29 am

    Wow. Just wow.

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:22 pm

      Thank you.

      Reply
  8. Veronique says

    December 7, 2022 at 8:49 am

    The thirst for fatherly approval. A universal theme. Loved it, shared it, and will remember it. Thanks.

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:23 pm

      Yes, it truly is a universal theme… thanks for reading.

      Reply
  9. Chetana Vaishnavi says

    December 7, 2022 at 10:21 am

    A nice story, based on reality. Congratulations

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:24 pm

      Thank you.

      Reply
  10. Mary A Gorman says

    December 7, 2022 at 10:28 am

    Powerful Bud. I was in your place with my mother. As she lay dying I just wished to hear the words you are really ok and I do love you. I didn’t get it in life but now I understand that it was more about her self-esteem. You captured so well with your writing. Keep on writing the best therapy one can get

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:25 pm

      Thank you so much for your inspirational, heartfelt response.

      Reply
  11. Gary Earl Ross says

    December 7, 2022 at 10:31 am

    Wow. Fathers and sons, the eternal dance between the vulnerability of acknowledging love and modeling the imagined hardness believed necessary for becoming a man. Of course, I’m thinking of my own late father today.

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:27 pm

      That perfectly sums up the core concept underlying the story. Thank you!

      Reply
  12. Bob says

    December 7, 2022 at 10:42 am

    The opening sentence is just perfect. It’s almost an entire story in itself!

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:29 pm

      Thank you for the positive feedback. Much appreciated.

      Reply
  13. Jon Culp says

    December 7, 2022 at 10:49 am

    Same. . . Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of my father’s death. I am just now able to begin working through our story. Yours definitely pulled on some heart strings.
    Thank you.

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:33 pm

      I appreciate the touching feedback. I am very sorry to hear of your father’s passing.

      Reply
  14. Caroline Jenner says

    December 7, 2022 at 11:05 am

    Powerful piece .

    Reply
    • Bud says

      December 7, 2022 at 2:34 pm

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

      Reply
  15. Wendy M says

    December 7, 2022 at 3:14 pm

    Very poignant, and relatable

    Reply
  16. Greta O says

    December 7, 2022 at 3:27 pm

    Oh so sad, and so deeply felt.

    Reply

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