By Stephen Lodge
A slow-moving cold front, a lone gust of wind, a faint sea breeze. No sign of the storm to come. We were huddled together in a derelict barn near a gypsy encampment. The telltale sound of an owl above us echoed in the silent darkness.
Stranded and afraid, I shivered. The dark was drawing in on us, and strange howling noises reached our ears from outside our shelter. We needed to move from the barn if we were to find help.
The ornately engraved inscription on the broken gate of the old graveyard puzzled us.
Sundown Diner
October Special
Ghost Meat.
I enjoyed how you set the tone right off the bat. Briefly described the weather and mixed in an ominous tone (“No sign of the storm to come.”). You kept that tone and sharpened the Halloweeny-type tension with the derelict barn, the owl (hooting?), the “strange howling noises,” the graveyard, the inscription. Sundown Diner. Indeed!
Dear Neil, thanks so much for your comments. Really appreciated. Best wishes for Christmas and the New Year.
It worked well – and “Ghost Meat” is a delicious morsel to end with. Only the first sentence troubled me slightly – “Slow moving cold front” doesn’t seem to belong in this story, A technical term from a bright-lit met office. A slow-moving drop in temperature?
Dear Jack, many thanks for your message. You make a very good point about the first sentence, thank you. Best wishes for Christmas and the New Year.
I wasn’t quite sure who all were the “we.” It certainly depicts desolation. I got bit of a shock at the ending! Great!
Dear Sue, many thanks for taking time to send your comments. Really appreciated. Best wishes for Christmas and the New Year.
The ending is the best part, I liked this piece a lot
Thank u so much, Christina, for your comments. Hope u are enjoying a blessed Christmas.
Now this is what I’m typing about! Great descriptions, unique setting. Leaves you wanting more in the best possible way. Just excellent.
Wow, thanks so much for your comments, Noah. Really means a lot. Have a happy & successful 2016, see u on Twitter.