Down the street stood a pretty lady, and Danny began stumbling towards her. He stank from not showering, was hairy from not shaving, and his clothes had holes like Swiss. He was a tramp, and he was drunk.
But deep in his noggin, there hunkered a story his father used to tell. It was something ’bout a prey-less hunter who climbed one last hill and shot the biggest damn buck he ever saw.
So he kept going until they were four inches apart. He stared that lady in the eyes. And she stared back from the poster she was printed on.
Bravery comes at all levels, and I have to guess the poster was not from Hunger Games.
I don’t understand the connection of the lady and the story “in his head” about shooting a buck. Both subjects have good elements for a story but the two separate ideas don’t flow together. Just my thoughts.
This is great. It left a vivid initial impression due to the description of actions and sensory detail. But it also works on a deeper emotional level, due to inclusion of the story from his father. The message I get being that when someone is at rock bottom, it is dreams of what might be that keep them going.