By Derek Harmening
She grinds her dog-eared Chucks into the loose gravel, seeking purchase.
“You ain’t nothing if you don’t cross the Spinster’s Smile,” the schoolyard kids jeer.
Beneath the dilapidated, bowstring truss bridge, the Whipple Creek waters froth and the mackinaw thrash. The indifferent breeze cools her clammy palms. The condemned bridge once teemed with exuberance. Lifelong betrothals and clandestine kisses, quarry-bound trucks and junior high sprinters were its lifeblood. Now its rotting boards pose a neighborhood challenge. Tossed coins swallowed by its oaken, gap-toothed grin. A boy once fell through. They put his name on a scholarship.
She prays.
Then, she flies.
Fantastic! I was right there with her, I could see it and smell it and feel her emotion.
Really liked this one. The hook, the climax, and the open ending. Great story well written.
Wow! The dog-eared Chucks have to be her sneakers… (?) Every adjective – and there are a lot of them – speaks volumes, and sets a scene and a tone that are, in my humble opinion, exquisite. There is also a rhythm to the tale. The last 4 sentences shake off the prose poem quality and rip into a quiet, somber, uncomfortable reality. A thoroughly enjoyable story!
Corking. From the SPinster’s smile (well before that) to the end. To offer criticism the only word that felt out of place to me was neighbourhood -I felt something more like municipal was apt, but that whole paragraph is a joy. I read it again and again just for the hell of it.
Nice. Don’t get much better than this when I’m asking myself all these questions from such a short short story.
Superb!
a feast of adjectives, and then the last 4 sentences, a stark reality check. There’s a rhythm to this tale that is exquisite.
sorry about my double posting. My first post wasn’t showing, so I wrote a second… and now this is the third. I’ll stop now.
This is a really good story with a lot packed into 101 words. Although I must confess I had a hard time understanding the first sentence. The rest of it was fabulous.
Wow! I was brought immediately I to the scene and easily imagined it all! Nice work!
A joy to read! Love that you are sharing your gift of writing with everyone.
Satisfying story! It’s a Winner!