Quis Custodet

By Derek McMillan

I was pleased to be promoted to the Prime Ministerial Bodyguard unit.

MI6 revealed an imminent threat. Our boss advised the PM to keep his head down and not leave Downing Street. Astonishingly, the PM took the advice.

I had been positively vetted. Gary Peters has an impeccable record and the only opinions ever expressed were orthodox.

The trouble is: I am not Gary Peters. His record is a complete fabrication. He does not exist.

I thought about telling the PM this, as I put the pistol to his head, but he’ll have other things to worry about—wherever he’s going.