By Claudia Schönberger
My shadow falls across her bed. The room is quiet except for the constant beeping of the machines. The fluorescent light is blinding me. I hate that dazzling brightness.
She doesn’t notice me hovering at our pillow. I caress her cheek and whisper:
“So much pain.”
Her eyes flutter, but remain closed. She tries to speak, but I can see the pain washing over her body in waves.
“I promise to stop back tomorrow.”
I clasp her hand before leaving, linger a moment. I didn’t come for her today.
Even though they resist, they eventually follow me through that door. Always.
Nicely written, gave me the chills. There are a couple of places that could use some polishing, but that will come with experience. I encourage you to continue writing because you seem to have an imagination that wrings out small details for a good story.
You captured the wait for the final breath very succinctly. My life.
Chilling and sad and you make the reader feel like a spectator in the room.
Very sensitive main character and a chilling experience at the same time. You brought me rapidly into the scene as I would be present. Impact writing too. Thank you for the experience and please, keep on sharing with us your talents and emotions.