I cooled my burning cheek in the soft grass.
Daddy warned that he’d give me something to cry about, and he delivered. Just as he reared back for a second swing, I backed away. His fist swiped past my nose and rammed into the doorjamb. Howling like a wounded dog, he lunged forward and slipped. He collapsed, landing with a thud and crack.
I ran outside, hid between the garage and the old shed—a space too narrow for his bulbous body—and curled up beneath a trash can lid. Shivering in the uncut grass, I dreamed I was a snail.
Awesome..powerful..
Thanks, Yogita.
Wow incredibly captured
Thank you, Mary.
Yikes. Talk about capturing a lifetime in very few words. Well done. It delivers the right emotional punch as well.
Jake, I really appreciate your comments. Thanks!
This is one powerful story expressed in few words.
Thank you, Derek! Your comments are appreciated.
I love the specificity of your details. This is so good!
Thanks, Susan!
Powerful writing and great title.
Traci, Thanks for your comments!
Blew me away. Wow.
Thanks for reading and commenting, John!
Well done. The punisher becomes the punished. To become a snail is an interesting concept
Thanks, Corey!
So powerful. Amazing job!
Thank you, Isa!
Good stuff!
Thanks, Michael!
Beautiful imagery.
Glad you liked it. Thanks!
Someone once said (if I recall correctly): that was like looking at a beautiful horse galloping past a crack in the wall — a fast-moving image that makes a deep and vibrant impression. Fabulous writing, brilliant title. Thank you.
Thank you so much.
This stayed with me. So good.
Thanks, Elizabeth.
Hi Rita – I’m new. If the comment window is reserved for compliments, I want to add mine. Excellent writing!
Your 101 words also offer a good flashpoint for discussion. I spent a few enjoyable moments changing the last eleven-word sentence to create different emotional responses. For example:
“…and awaited his pathetic apologies after his drunken rage wore off.”
I have to say the child feeling like a snail in a snail’s habitat is powerful and heartwrenching – hard to improve upon, for short fiction.
Thanks for reading and then taking the time to comment and ponder the scenario. The dad seemed like a drinker to me, too. He obviously has issues!
Focusing on the small details gives this story so much more power. So effective and troubling. Well done!
Thank you for commenting. I love reading everyone’s views.