By Ellen Saunders
“Am I making a mistake?”
Marie’s eyebrow arches, and the “a bit late for that” goes unspoken. I wish she’d say it anyway, just to penetrate my whirling thoughts. Instead, she watches me fiddle with the white ruffles covering my lap, letting the soft rustling fill the small side room.
“He said it was only one night, but I’m starting to think it wasn’t.” There’s no ‘starting’ about it.
“Well,” Marie rifles through her purse, “I can’t tell you what you should do next, but here’s a little something blue.”
The keys she pulls out aren’t blue, but the car is.
Punchy and powerful. Great story.
I don’t get the sentence, ‘He said it was only one night, etc.’ What was only one night? Why would she marry him if it was only one night? How does that make her want to dodge him? Why does she not remember and have to rely on what he said? So many questions. I like the premise, but this feels incomplete. Don’t stop writing, though. Find an editor who can ask you these questions before publication.
He cheated on her, told her ‘it was only one night’ but she’d already had suspicions of him regularly/often cheating on her. So the one night isn’t with the bride-to-be, but it’s the reason she zooms away in her friend’s blue car. That’s how I read it anyway.
I agree with your interpretation. That’s how I read it.
Such a clever, punchy story. Great job!
Love this!! What a great ally she had
Great story short and punchy.