By Helen Jett
“Careful, careful,” Mama used to say. “Do not spill his coffee.” She would hand me the mug, soft and steamy, and my little nose would wrinkle at the bitter scent. But I knew not to drop it. He would be so upset if I didn’t come with his coffee. So I walked slowly into the den each morning. And Grandpa would drink as I sat on his lap, his wrinkled hands caressing my small body here and there, his sour breath tickling my ear. It was what he liked best.
I don’t drink coffee as an adult. It left a stain.
Wow, if I’m reading the subtext right, this is a very dark story — very subtly told.
I reckon you’re right, subtle (but clear)
I read it as child abuse.
Sad story about childhood trauma. Well done.
I was taken out of the story in the last paragraph. I needed a transition to alert a time change.
I was unclear: what was the “it” that Grandpa liked best? The child’s ear? Sitting together as he drank coffee? Or the caressing the child’s body?
Superb title. It made me want to read more. After reading, I thought the title suggests this time with Grandfather left a mark. I was unclear the degree of impact (in a range from perpetual discomfort to pedophilia).
The pacing and descriptions were delightful. Like:
– mug, soft and steamy
– nose … wrinkle at the bitter scent
– sour breath tickling my ear
– wrinkled hands caressing
I look forward to reading what this writer shares next.
Sorry to hear about the confusion. This story is a darker story of mine that doesn’t go into too much detail but is meant to describe child abuse. I left a lot up to the reader with this one. Thank you so much for reading. 🙂
I read below that other readers got the scene you aimed to tell. When I read the grandfather caressed the child, I imagined a happy shared moment, a stroke on the back, a pat on the knee. Thus, I didn’t make the leap other reader’s did. Still, I enjoyed this piece. Enjoyed thinking about it. I do look forward to your next piece too.
Thank you 🙂
Thanks for writing this piece! It’s been a real treat to mull.
I dunno, but I thought it was pretty clear what was happening – and I liked the transition, a bit of a surprise maybe but in a good way, well written, congrats.
Well done . . . very nice writing.
I think the final sentence makes clear what “caressing my small body here and there” implied. This is very well-written.
Thank you all so much for reading. Yes, this was a darker story of mine which depicts child abuse without going right out and saying it.
Really outstanding, Helen- brevity is wisdom. You showed the complete picture in a few words.
Thank you ever so much.
Eeeeep Helen I remember putting this link in my bio a gazillion months ago and I can’t believe it got picked!!! Awesome jobbb!