Alice is perched on the bridge, arms outstretched behind her like a mermaid on a pirate ship. She slips a little on loose gravel as she adjusts her footing. Pebbles ricochet off larger rocks as they plunge into the water, creating a symphony that Alice longs to join. Deep down, she knows jumping is the only way to avoid facing everyone’s disappointment and ridicule, yet second thoughts overcome her again. Alice hangs her head low, heart thumping, and retreats to the safe side of the railing.
“Chicken!” yells Billy as he cannonballs into the river, accompanied by an orchestra of laughter.
Hello Kim,
Great metaphoric language! (“…arms outstretched behind her like a mermaid on a pirate ship; “pebbles ricochet creating a symphony.”; an orchestra of laughter.)
However, the remainder of the writing fell short of my expectations based on the delightful use of similes and metaphors.
Nice ending.
Thank you for reading and for your constructive feedback.
I was drawn in immediately as it felt like the inner dialogue of someone about to commit suicide (probably because our town has a big bridge and someone tragically jumped this week) but then to find out it was a thrilling decision of a “fun” jump with friends was a good resolution. Well done.
I am so sorry to hear that happened recently in your town.
And the story originally did start that way, but the character pushed me in another direction at the end.
Thanks for reading.
Hi Kim,
Love this story! Very well written. Great twist at the end. Everything a 100 word story should be.
P.S. I’m glad Cathryn didn’t have final say on your story’s publication.
Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it 🙂
Clear, concise, nice twist.
Thank you for reading, it was fun to write!
Hi Kim,
This was a great piece. Great detail and it took my imagination on an adventure.
Good for you for following your passion. Keep going although we do miss you ?
Trust me, I miss everyone as well! But at least I can take this time to work on my health and my dreams
I liked the drama and the twist. Well done!
Thank you for reading it!
Hey,
This almost sounds like a plausable Nanaimo River scenario.
Awesome work Kim.
Thanks for reading, Alicia. And awesome guess! I imagined the cedar bridge over the nanaimo river for this piece.
I enjoyed the way this piece built reader expectations and then subverted them in a way that left me smiling after I’d been quite tense. How interesting that your characters nudged you this way. Well done!